Greg Gutfeld calls Oregon health official ‘evil’ for claiming ‘urgency is white supremacy value’

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Good bump day, America. So, do I have a good monologue tonight? Best of the year, I think. What is the rush? Do you have to be somewhere, Sandra?

SANDRA SMITH: I like the new, I like the new place.

Yeah whatever. That’s so white of you, you racists. Oh look at you, I’m important, time is money, I have places to see, people to meet, I wonder about bread and mayonnaise to eat. You typical bigot, always in a hurry. Thanks.

It’s true. Urgency is racism, at least according to Oregon health officials, who delayed a meeting for no reason other than to declare “urgency is white supremacist value.” As an apology, that sounds much better than “the dog ate my alarm clock”.

But this raises a key question. Since my show starts on time every night, am I considered a high wizard?

A student holds a sign against the CRT ban holds a sign as members of the Placentia-Yorba Linda Unified School Board gather in Placentia.
(Photo by Leonard Ortiz/MediaNews Group/Orange County Register via Getty Images)

In an email obtained by leading magazine ‘Reason’, regional health equity coalition program manager Danielle Droppers, big name, told People that a planned conversation would not happen as expected, because urgency is a white supremacist value that can get in the way of more intentional and thoughtful work, which I guess is what she calls sleeping and then watching “The View” from her bathroom. That’s how I look at it.

OREGON TO PROMOTE TEACHER TRAINING THAT SEEKS TO ‘CANCEL RACISM IN MATHEMATICS’

So what a happy coincidence for a government worker, whether he’s racist doing his job, whether it’s holding a scheduled meeting or teaching kids math, doing both is racist, so don’t bother. This way everyone fails, not just the government.

It is now the Oregon Health Authority, an actual agency responsible for coordinating medical care and offloading COVID information during the pandemic. So no wonder they screwed up this state on COVID, it would have been racist not to.

And could you use a wider brush to paint? Black people are never in a hurry. So when you say Bolt overtakes a white man, which he always does, is that reverse racism? “Hey Usain, what’s rushing you? Slow down, you’re starting to run like a white man.” You know, I worry. I wonder if this stuff will ever show up at Fox.

SKETCH

Now, to educate the confused about why the ER is racist, another employee has pointed the finger at a white anti-racism educator who pushes the idea that innocuous traits are actually evil evidence of white supremacy. Things like wanting to write things or being a perfectionist.

I’m getting to the point where I don’t understand when they use the term white supremacy. Do they consider it an insult or a compliment? Okay, so you write stuff.

You seem to appreciate the time and want things done right. I mean, you just described the perfect employee and all the things that made this country the envy of the rest of the world.

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Now, apparently, this is all part of the Diversity, Inclusion and Equity training material, DIE for short, which any company that promotes this shit will do. But you know what? This is good news for lazy and incompetent workers. He is sleeping right now. Arrive late, unprepared, reeking of booze, you’re fighting white supremacy now.

Come to think of it, in college, I was a regular at Rosa Parks. I have to admit it’s pretty diabolical. I mean, what a great way to ruin someone’s career. Tell them all the things that make you successful, also make you a fanatic. It’s like a boxing trainer saying to his protege, “Hey, if you want to be a world champion one day, don’t go to the gym, don’t worry about your footwork, and smoking will actually improve your ability. Oh, and for the love of God, don’t skip McDonald’s, it’s —- it’s delicious.” By telling others that good traits are racist, you are telling them to fail.

Members of the World Health Organization (WHO) team investigating the origins of the COVID-19 coronavirus arrive at the Wuhan Institute of Virology in Wuhan, central China's Hubei province, February 3 2021.

Members of the World Health Organization (WHO) team investigating the origins of the COVID-19 coronavirus arrive at the Wuhan Institute of Virology in Wuhan, central China’s Hubei province, February 3 2021.
(HECTOR RETAMAL/AFP via Getty Images)

CNN must have had this plan in place for ten years. But you couldn’t ask for a better way to get past incompetent, gullible colleagues plagued with white guilt. You make them all stay home until they’re late, and you win by showing up on time, while telling minorities “don’t reach your potential. Oh, you’ll get the fairness once everyone has lost”.

Of course, for those unaccountable bureaucrats like Ms. Droppers, their incompetence is expected. Hell, public health bureaucrats can literally cause a pandemic and not be fired. The only thing they do on time, of course, is collect taxes.

So, here are some questions for Ms. Droppers, whose name is perfect for someone dropping the standards for themselves. If urgency is a racist value, why not delay your paycheck for a few weeks? It will make us all a little less racist. And how about your summer vacation? Is it cool if we just do it in the fall? The beach is still beautiful in November. Don’t even think about leaving early on a Friday to avoid the traffic, you’re no better than Robert Byrd. Forget the sunscreen and just put on your white balaclava.

And think about, you know, Obama, and Harris and Jackson, these are all historic firsts, how very white they are to come out on top.

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Hopefully you won’t end up in the ER anytime soon. I mean, can there be anything more racist than an emergency? Emergencies require quick action. “Nurse, I need 200 cc of atropine. I mean, whenever you can manage it. Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound like a fanatic.” Seriously, imagine being a doctor trying to curb your ED. “Son, you need an appendectomy ASAP or your appendix could burst and you could die. OMG, did I say ASAP? What am I, a doctor or a plantation boss? Anyway, I touch the links. We can catch up tomorrow. Unless you’re dead.

Yeah, dead. Death. Talk about finally escaping your own racism. And really, we would all rather be dead than be called racists. And the thing is, isn’t death really the least racist thing there is? Think about it. What are you called when you die? Late.

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